The Rules
by Lemontention
Summary: There were ten rules to be followed when staying at Devil May Cry, and it's Lucia's turn to learn them.


"The password is Eva. If they don't have it, hang up."

That was the first rule she learned when Dante had returned.

Running her hand through her vibrant red locks, she cringed at the shrill ring of the phone. Sighing, she grabbed the old rotary phone and answered: "Devil May Cry."

"Eva."

* * *

"Don't eat my pizza."

That was the second rule Lucia learned.

The red-head had seen a cardboard box resting precariously on the edge of the desk. Dante was out on a mission. She'd opened the box in curiosity, furrowing her eyebrows as her eyes landed on the cheesy food. In a second of impulsiveness she'd taken a bite of one of the pieces.

Dante had a fit when he returned to no pizza.

* * *

"Don't eat my Strawberry Sundays."

It was the third rule she'd learned, though luckily not of her own fault.

A blonde girl, probably around fourteen years of age, darted into the office with a large grin tugging at her lips. Lucia had blinked from her place in the bathroom door as the girl opened the mini-fridge behind the desk, pulling out the frozen desert.

She hadn't said anything. She wasn't quite sure what was going on. Who was the girl? Was she a friend of Dante's?

That question was answered when Dante had returned.

* * *

"Don't answer the door if it's Lady," was the fourth rule she learned.

She'd opened the door that fateful day with a smile on her face. The woman standing on the other side, a rocket launcher strapped to her back had appraised her instantly with heterochromatic eyes. Lucia had bit her lip with confusion.

The black-haired woman with the rocket launcher had pushed past Lucia, taking in the office, snorting in derision after a few moments. Lucia stood beside the door, head cocked to one side.

Suddenly there was a pistol trained on her. Green eyes wide, the red-head had been left speechless.

Dante came home to bullet holes in the walls.

* * *

"Don't let Trish into the kitchen."

When the blonde demon had come bouncing into the shop, Lucia was pleasantly surprised that unlike Lady, Trish hadn't tried to kill her. In fact, the lightning demonness was quite friendly, asking Lucia how she'd come to know Dante and sharing a few tips from her days spent living and working with Dante.

After their introduction, Trish and Lucia had retreated upstairs. The blonde had offered to make some tea for the two of them and Lucia had happily accepted.

Dante had come home to firefighters, a guilty looking Trish, and a panicking Lucia.

Lucia had learned the fifth rule very well.

* * *

"If Vergil's in the building, evacuate immediately."

Lucia had been flicking through the records in Dante's jukebox when Vergil had appeared. She'd turned to greet the man only to drop her jaw in surprise. Dante came down seconds later.

Lucia hung out in the corner while the two discussed things she didn't understand. It had quickly become apparent to her that they were arguing – though about what, she didn't know.

Suddenly a sword had appeared in Vergil's hands. The blade was huge, wider than her. It came swinging down hard where Dante had been milliseconds later.

The sixth rule was burned into her brain. After all, the damage totaled over fifteen thousand.

* * *

"Don't ask about Nero's arm."

The story behind rule number seven wasn't as outrageous as a fire and fifteen thousand dollars in damages. It was told by the stammered words and red-tinged cheeks.

Lucia had been alone in the office again. Dante was out taking care of a flock of Puia demons. Tapping her foot along to AC/DC, Lucia had been enjoying her solitude.

The Nero poked his head in.

At first she'd mistaken the white hair for Dante. He was wearing blue though so she froze in fear that it was Vergil. The face was too young though, softer than the twins. She'd sighed in relief and greeted the boy.

Like her and Trish, they hit it off well. Nero was polite, unlike her boss and most of his acquaintances. Sure, he looked a bit like a punk, but it was merely a show. He was sweet. He laughed at her jokes and told her stories that made her laugh. The quaint atmosphere they'd created had ended instantly when she asked about the arm. He stammered out an apology and ran off.

It took a talking to from Vergil of all people to get him to be friendly again.

* * *

"Don't bring up the fact Vergil is Nero's father."

She was curious why Vergil of all people got Nero to start talking to her again. Nero was so sweet and Vergil was so… well, Vergil.

So she asked Dante. He shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject.

She asked Trish next. The demonness had frozen instantly, glancing around before excusing herself.

Lady was next. The huntress had rolled her eyes and warned her that she could lose her head if she kept asking.

She asked Nero next. He blushed, stammered and ran off, _again_.

Swallowing her fear, she asked Vergil. Unsurprisingly, he held a sword to her throat.

Finally, Lady had pulled her aside and told her the truth, and the unspoken eighth rule.

* * *

"Don't bring up fathers in general."

The ninth rule was simple. Dante got enough flak for being the son of Sparda. Trish didn't have one, unless you counted Mundus but that made the flighty blonde demonness take flight. Asking Lady about her father would end with a warning gunshot ringing through the shop. Nero's father was a rule all of its own. Vergil had two reactions depending on his mood: he'd hold a sword to your throat if he was in a bad mood, or he'd ramble about power and the weakness of humans if you were lucky.

Fathers were a touchy subject.

* * *

Rule number ten didn't really apply to Lucia. Of their group, the only one it really applied to was Vergil, unless both Lady and Dante were in exceptionally bad moods.

She remembered when she'd gone to get a pizza for Dante. The devil hunter had been feeling under the weather so she'd decided to do something nice for him. Unless she was on a job, she never went out in public with her daggers.

Unluckily for her that day, a few Mephisto had decided to attack Lucia.

Hand to hand combat was not her forte. Neither was juggling a pizza while fighting. That was Dante's forte. The Mephisto didn't seem to care though.

The red-head was pinned to the brick wall, the pizza lying on the ground long forgotten.

That was when Dante arrived. It didn't take him a minute to get rid of the Mephisto… and find the pizza.

"No one hurts Dante's friend," was the tenth rule.


End file.
